his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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