When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I AM VODKA MAN
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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