Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
