we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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