Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
