I should be sponsored by Trojan
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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