I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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