You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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