i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
