You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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