i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize