are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
