Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
