we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
there's paper in my vomit.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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