Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
