We won't sleep together?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
