Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
