she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
