I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
