so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
