hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
