I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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