Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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