I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
