omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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