Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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