So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
