His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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