maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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