I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I need a burrito and a hug.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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