I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
