You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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