No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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