I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
