I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Randomize
