He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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