So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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