you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
