I've blown a few things in my day
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
