so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
