I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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