this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
