how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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