Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I didn't notice because vodka
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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