it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
