Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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