I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
