The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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