You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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