Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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