xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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