She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
