Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
