everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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