my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
