Yo dont text me then not text me
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
