You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
