Heybabeimwearingurpanties
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
