'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
