I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
