He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
