Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize