you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
